Myth: Self-care will fix your mental health issues, help you grow, and should be the go-to solution.
These days, if you talk about mental health, there is a good chance someone will bring up one word, Self-Care. The term ‘self-care’ has become the buzzword in college corridors, public discussions, and influencer strategies in addition to academic discussions and research. Because it is used in so many places, people also understand it in many ways. For some, self-care includes everyday habits like eating healthy, working out, going on vacations, spending quality time alone, or doing skincare. For others, it may mean shopping, journaling, or simply allowing themselves to rest. At its core, Self-care means taking time out of the busy lives and spending time with themselves, their body and mind.
When you forget to take care of yourself, it slowly affects your body and mind. If you are always busy working, skipping meals, not dealing with your emotions, spending time with people who drain you, or stuck in a routine without much meaning, it can wear you down. You might not feel it right away, but after a while, you may end up feeling tired, stressed, or just not like yourself. Ignoring small acts of self-care does not only make you feel low but also hurt your health and well-being in the long run.
Self-care seems to be a great thing, right?
It is a little more complicated than that.
Even though it helps, self-care is not always the full answer to every mental health issue.
The Guilt of “Failing” Self-Care.
The idea of self-care became popular through media sources like the social media, celebrities, articles, and magazines more than academic research. Now this popularity comes with a certain understanding of the Self. The idea of the Self as an independent thing, consisting of thoughts, emotions, feelings, and body. While this is not wrong, it is not the full picture.
The idea of self-care from the popular narratives focuses a lot of individual solutions, like engaging in specific activities, adopting new habits, or making lifestyle changes like eating better, meditating, or setting boundaries with certain people. These approaches suggest that well-being is mostly a matter of personal choice and discipline. However, such a perspective often ignores the broader social, economic, and cultural realities that shape people’s lives. It assumes that everyone has the time, money, space, and freedom to make these lifestyle changes.
But the reality is very different.
For example, what seems like a simple act of self-care like going to therapy, eating well, or taking a break might feel impossible to someone working long hours, dealing with financial stress, or managing family/social responsibilities. So, when self-care is treated as a personal responsibility, it can leave people feeling like they are failing when they cannot keep up.
Whose “Self” is it Anyway?
Another problem is we are blindly following Western models of healing and self-care. A lot of research, techniques, and practices on self-care in psychology literature originate in the West. These practices and research findings are based on the American and European societies that are very different from Asian communities.
The very ideas of what is a ‘Self’ (single and within a person or multiple and relational?), society, social and emotional expectations, emotional availability and regulation, economic parity among the citizens is very different. Even within South Asia, the way people live, feel, and relate to each other is very different.
So, when Western ideas of self-care are copied without change, they may lose their meaning and relevance by the time they reach the lives of most people. As a result, self-care can end up being something only for a certain group of people, those who live a certain lifestyle, earn a certain income, or have the freedom to focus on themselves.
That is where the problem begins — the idea of care becomes narrow and unfairly limited!
In these situations, self-care then becomes a problem instead of the solution. Someone who is already under stress might try to follow popular self-care advice but end up feeling even more helpless or guilty when it does not work for them.
Instead of helping, self-care can sometimes make people feel like their struggles are their fault.
This guilt comes from the belief that people are solely responsible for their own well-being. Self-care is framed as something entirely within one’s control, which ignores the multiple ways in which social, economic, and cultural conditions may affect people’s wellbeing.
If you are a low paying gig worker, like our Zomato and Swiggy employees, no amount of meditation will fix your stress – only larger changes in policies and law protecting workers will help!
If someone is struggling, it can be then seen as a personal failure, like, they did not try hard enough, were not disciplined, or did not care for themselves properly. This perspective ignores how issues like poverty, discrimination, work pressure, or lack of access to resources also shape a person’s physical and mental health.
True well-being isn’t just about what a person does alone but it also depends on the environment they live in. It is a shared responsibility between the individual and the society they are a part of. Plus, there are different ways people think about well-being. While most older research says well-being is a sense of feeling good about one’s life, newer work from South Asian cultures challenges this individual-centred idea. It shows that for many people, well-being is about being able to take care of others in their lives – a radically different idea where the self is made up of those in our lives!
Me, Myself, and Meditation Apps.
When the society treats well-being as a personal responsibility, people are expected to manage their stress, anxiety, or exhaustion on their own without questioning the social and economic pressures that might be causing them. Instead of asking why so many people are feeling unwell, the focus shifts to what individuals can do to feel better quickly.
This creates a space for the market to step in with ready-made solutions in the form of products, services, and trends that promise instant relief. Self-care then becomes a matter of consumption like, buying the right products, subscribing to the right wellness services, or following trendy routines.
This kind of care is often superficial, where deeper emotional needs, long-term healing, or difficult life experiences are left unaddressed. Everyday acts like genuine rest, reflection, emotional connection, or community support get pushed aside.
A student under the extreme stress of board exams needs rest, sleep, healthy food, and a society that does not define success or worth with a single exam! He needs real change at the systemic level and support at a relational level — not the added pressure of writing in a gratitude journal about all the things he is grateful for!
In many popular ideas of self-care, it ends up looking like a to-do list of things like drinking water, meditating, taking a break from your phone. While these things can be helpful, treating self-care like a checklist can make it feel like just another task to complete. Instead of helping you feel better, it can become something you do because you are supposed to, not because it truly meets your needs or fits your life. This increases the guilt within the person of not being able to do enough to improve their mental or physical condition.
As a result, self-care turns into a quick fix that may bring temporary comfort, but not meaningful or lasting support. In some cases, it can even harm mental health by encouraging people to ignore the real causes of their pain while trying to “fix” themselves through surface-level solutions. It can lead people to believe that if they are still feeling anxious, sad, or tired, it must be their own fault that they did not do self-care properly.
This can create guilt and shame, and make someone feel even worse. Instead of asking what pressures or struggles a person is facing, the blame quietly shifts to the individual. People are expected to “fix themselves” with tips, tools, or trends, while the real causes of their distress like loneliness, money problems, social pressure, or lack of support are left unspoken.
Without much realisation, this kind of self-care narrative encourages silence around struggle. Because the focus is on fixing yourself quietly and privately, people may hesitate to share what they are going through. If care is seen as something you do privately through perfect routines or the right purchases, it creates a silent pressure to always appear okay.
When someone does not feel okay, they may feel like they are failing, or worse, that their pain is not valid because they have not followed the “right” wellness steps. When the popular model of self-care, often borrowed from the West is implied into these contexts, it can feel out of place or disconnected from everyday realities.
For many people, rest is not a choice, mindfulness is not always possible, and emotional space is a luxury. If self-care is understood only through the lens of personal action and market solutions, it ends up excluding the very people who might need care the most.
Care Looks Different Across the World!
What is important to understand is that care does not have to look the same for everyone. It does not have to be pretty, trendy, or expensive. True self-care might look like saying no to things that drain you, having a difficult conversation, asking for help, spending time alone, or just getting enough sleep. For some, it may mean taking a walk in silence. For others, it may mean joining a support group or simply being listened to without judgment.
Many forms of care have nothing to do with the Self at all – they are when others care for us through words or actions, when politicians bring laws that elevate us, when our community shows up for us in the time of need. Sometimes, we can care for ourselves by caring for others – giving can be receiving! These forms of care often don’t get as much attention because they do not sell products or fit into a picture-perfect post but they are just as important, and often more healing.
In a place like South Asia, where the Self is not a single thing that exists within a person but instead multiple and fluid, the idea of self-care often falls through.
Real care is not something we can always do alone. We need spaces where we feel safe, supported, and connected with others. It means standing by each other, building communities of care, and knowing we do not have to carry everything by ourselves. Care also needs to be backed by real changes in the world around us. That means affordable healthcare, therapy that understands social issues like social differences based on caste, income, and gender.
When we talk about therapy or mental health support, it should not just be about helping people cope. It should also help them face and challenge the things making them feel unwell in the first place.
Because real self-care is not just about feeling okay for a while but permanently fixing what is broken, both inside and outside.
Ayushi Jolly
Ayushi Jolly is a PhD Candidate in Social Psychology at Jawaharlal Nehru University, India. Her research aims to foster a more holistic understanding of the human psyche that acknowledges the intricate interconnections between individual lives and the broader societal tapestry. She is dedicated to restoring the 'social' in social psychology.
Outside the academic sphere, she relishes the joy of travel and trekking and finds