Car number plates have special meaning
My friends and family very befitting
In my fictitious story
Going for my wedding I think
But I reach the hospital and I see shrinks!
I spend many days at the hospital
Finally, my mind clears itself of thoughts unreal
Diagnosed with schizophrenia
Oh I’m in dystopia
As years pass by
I find kindness in doctors, family and friends alike
Their healing touch
Heals the pain but the curse remains
Livin’ a normal life in-between episodes
My doctors and I are on quirky roads
That only the mentally ill take
But the kindness they show to me is great!
Maybe my journey will never change
And will always be strange
But I can still find a happy range
And live for the good days and gracefully age!
This is my journey for this lifetime
And I’m grateful for the times I’m sane
‘The Dopamine Paradox’ is a light take on schizophrenia which some doctors say is caused due to a dopamine imbalance in the brain. The paradox is that there are two perspectives on reality: the delusional perspective during the episode and the ‘normal’ perspective, one that is shared with everyone else. The paradox is reflective of a shift between the two realities. In between episodes the medication affects the dopamine levels which shifts the author’s perspective. Dopamine seems to control which perspective the poet holds. During an episode the delusional perspective seems real to the poet. While many perceive reality differently and have their unique perspectives of reality; schizophrenia is paradoxical and two-dimensional as in the delusional perspective is clearly not factual and seems to have no context. The poem is a typical description of the inner world of one person with schizophrenia during and in between psychotic episodes. Day-to-day occurrences take on a special meaning and an alternative reality is formed in the mind. The ability to discern factual thoughts from fictional thoughts is lost. The poem also highlights the poet’s struggle with the diagnosis of schizophrenia – as it translates into unpleasant experiences, dependency and loss of credibility. And the subsequent acceptance of it, as such a predicament can only be accepted with grace.
Swarnarekha Ganapathy
Swarnarekha is an advertising professional based in Chennai, India. She was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 2014 and has been on medication since. She believes in living fully and passionately despite her illness. She is deeply interested in writing, music, travel, and food. She is passionate about psychological growth and exploring the new.